Food Culture and Eating Disorders in South Asian Families
South Asian families are BIG on family, culture, celebration, and connection. We love our collectivist ways and all the benefits that come with them, including financial, informational, and emotional support (depending on each family). Our parents and grandparents provide us with an abundance of knowledge and stories about how they perceived the world growing up, what their experiences were like, and how they continually tried to provide us with more - the “more” that they never had. And with that “more” comes expectation —to do, perhaps, as they hope, so we avoid the struggles they faced. These expectations can be both motivating, pushing us toward success, and overwhelming, leaving us feeling pressured to meet high standards. Recognizing this complexity can help us better understand and navigate our emotions.
As the acculturated generations*, we prioritize and (try to) maintain our mental health. As best as we can. Which is vastly different than how our moms, dads, nanis (mom’s mom), nanas (mom’s dad), dadis (dad’s mom), and dadas (dad’s dad) grew up.
You might be asking, Raveena, what point are you trying to get at here? South Asian families are big on family, culture, celebration, connection, etc., and what is a big part of each of these values? Food. Food is such a large part of our cultural identity and bonding time with our families that it can make it difficult when we’re struggling internally about things our Brown parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles might not understand.
Note: I am speaking from experience as a 2nd-generation Punjabi-American Cisgender woman who has experienced disordered eating and has supported a close family member with an eating disorder.
From direct comments about our bodies to the constant showering of food, it can be hard to separate from the disordered eating habits or the eating disorder itself. How can it make sense to be praised for losing weight and also to be told “you should eat more” or “she should lose weight”? It is easy to give our families the benefit of the doubt; we know that they mean well when they say, “She lost weight and now she looks so good!” and “Your face looks like it got skinnier!” But really, when you’re struggling with anorexia, binge-eating, bulimia, or disordered eating in general, it can actually be very harmful.
Eating disorders are not commonly talked about in South Asian households because “that stuff didn’t exist” in previous generations. However, we know that it existed; it has just been normalized over generations.
The key question is: how do we care for ourselves within a culture that both nurtures and challenges our well-being? Here are some ideas:
Find your supports: Seek out friends, classmates, gaming buddies, cousins, or siblings who make you feel good about yourself and with whom you can share your struggles.
Find a professional support: If you’re struggling with an ED/disordered eating, reach out for professional support. For my Asian folks, having a BIPOC provider might make all the difference. Look into online directories that specialize in culturally competent care, such as Asian Mental Health Collective and Inclusive Therapists.
Communicate with family if possible: If you feel comfortable opening up to your family, you should. Although they may not understand, taking that step to express your feelings and struggles might give you a chance to connect with them and create some awareness of what’s happening for you. Again, this varies by family, so it is up to your discretion whether this would be helpful.
Find tools that support you: Journaling, grounding exercises, noticing comments you receive from others without judgment but with curiosity, and what that says about them instead of you.
Affirmations: stick notes on your laptop, by your mirror, in your room, or in your closet, reminding you that it’s perfectly okay to look the way you do and whatever else might be helpful to remind you of.
Aloo parantha, butter chicken, rajma, pakora, paneer, bhurji, tandoori chicken, samosa, aloo tikki, dal, ladoo, barfi, jalebi- all beautiful foods that feel like home that we should be able to eat or not eat, without shame. Food is our culture's love language, and that’s an amazing thing.
From an eating disorder therapist's perspective, it is important to remember that food IS a wonderful way to connect, but it doesn’t need to be the only way we connect. There are numerous other ways we can share love with our complex, multifaceted Brown families and still feel a sense of belonging and connection.
Engage in shared activities, such as storytelling sessions, where family members share stories from their past! Participating in traditional arts and crafts, or even just sitting with them and watching TV. Additionally, organizing family game nights or exploring nature together — like going for a hike — can offer fulfilling ways to nurture connections without focusing on food.
Communicate with your family, friends, and even bring them to therapy if you feel like your therapist could help explain the struggles you’re going through with food or body image. Just remember you are never alone, lean into the supports you do have, and who knows, maybe you can teach your parents and grandparents a little about your own story.
This post comes from Raveena Supra, LPCA. Click here to learn more about her work and to book a 20-minute consultation call.
*Acculturated generations: often 2nd, 3rd gen in the U.S (and so on) that have assimilated into Western culture and straddle both their Western culture and their Asian culture.