Managing Comparison Traps During the Holidays
The holiday season can be magical–full of cozy gatherings, delicious food, and meaningful traditions. But for many of us, it also brings a sneaky visitor: comparison.
Whether it’s comparing gifts, bodies, family dynamics, or how “put together” someone else seems, the holidays can amplify the feeling that we’re falling short. Social media doesn’t help either with endless highlight reels of perfect decorations and smiling families, it can leave us questioning why our life doesn’t look like theirs.
If you’ve ever found yourself in that headspace, you’re not alone. Here’s how to manage those comparison traps and reclaim peace (and joy) during the holidays.
1. Notice the Triggers
Comparison often shows up in moments of vulnerability—when we’re tired, stressed, or scrolling aimlessly. Start by noticing when comparison creeps in. Is it after time on social media? After spending time with certain people? During family gatherings?
Once you identify your triggers, you can respond instead of react. Sometimes, that means limiting screen time or unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate. Other times, it’s about taking a breath and remembering that someone else’s “perfect” picture doesn’t tell the whole story.
2. Reframe What You See
It’s easy to assume that others have it easier or better. But everyone’s life includes struggles we can’t see. Try this simple mindset shift: instead of “They have what I don’t,” try “They’re showing what they value.”
That friend who shares stunning holiday photos might find joy in creating beauty. The relative with an overflowing gift pile may show love through generosity. You can appreciate their joy without minimizing your own.
3. Anchor to Your Values
Another antidote to comparison is clarity.
Ask yourself:
What truly matters to me this season?
What kind of memories do I want to create?
What feels nourishing versus depleting?
When you stay grounded in your own values, whether that’s simplicity, connection, rest, or creativity, you can let go of expectations that don’t align with them. Comparison loses power when you’re living in alignment with what actually matters to you.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
You’re human, meaning you’re not immune to envy, insecurity, or longing. Instead of judging yourself for comparing, offer compassion. Try saying: “It’s okay that I feel this way. I’m doing my best.”
Gentle self-talk builds resilience. Remember: you don’t need to be endlessly grateful or positive this season if that’s not how you’re authentically feeling.
One of our favorite lessons on self-compassion is from Kristin Neff, which can be found here.
5. Create Your Own Traditions
Comparison often stems from feeling like we don’t measure up to someone else’s version of the holidays. The best remedy? Create your own version.
That might mean a quiet walk on Christmas morning, a solo baking day, or a gratitude ritual before bed. Meaningful traditions don’t have to be elaborate, just enjoyable.
6. Focus on Connection Over Perfection
At the heart of the holidays is connection, not comparison. When you focus on moments of genuine presence — laughing with a friend, playing a board game, sharing a meal — you reconnect to what’s real. Those small, authentic interactions are what you’ll remember most.
A Gentle Reminder
Comparison steals joy, but awareness can bring it back. This season, notice when comparison makes you think you’re behind and gently remind yourself: there’s no timeline, no scorecard, no perfect way to do the holidays.